that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
