so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
