She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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