The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
