my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
