I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
