just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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