did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
