I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
