I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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