If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
