we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
