but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
