508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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