I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
