If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
