It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
