I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Still dying that you shit outside
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
