ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
