how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
