my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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