I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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