she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
