Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
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Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
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Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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