i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
