she is the kim kardashian of front butts
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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