she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
