it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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