There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Did I show you my penis last night?
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he fucked my hip out of place.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
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Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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