mondays should just be called national damage control day
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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