woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
