I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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