just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
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