In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
