Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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