Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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