how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
