I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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