I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
