I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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