Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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