dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
God I need to hump something, right now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
