I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
