i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
