I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
