Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
