Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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