Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
