Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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