every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
