I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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