It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
