Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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