I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
