There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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