sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize