You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
