I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
