NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
