I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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