i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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