It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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