Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
