she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
