he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
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I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
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I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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