Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
